Top Secrets to Be Found Under Morning Sun

16) Twisted, burned remnants and blackened embers of the original motion picture, “The Last Picture Show
15) Dick Cheney’s first BP stock certificate, which is locked in a steel vault with 14th element that should have been included, but deemed too sensitive to national security, relating to original recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken’s 13 herbs and spices
14) No clues regarding last bed and breakfast visitor to visit there since there have only been two people, the couple currently still missing, who won the first place prize to visit there for one week. The second-place prize winners, who won two weeks’ stay in Morning Sun, didn’t take their Red Box rental for the movie, “Avatar,” before they left, and the resulting debit card charge caused them to go broke, and so they turned around, went home, and wept about their long lost uncle, Jimmy Hoffa
13) Jimmy Hoffa’s library card
12) Jimmy Hoffa’s childhood Halloween costume
11) Jimmy Hoffa
10) One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Rusted John Deere
9) Library lady has only known copy of Martian cookbook, “To Serve Man”
8) Casey’s convenience store has pump for “Swamp Gas”
7) Although there is a speed limit sign or two along Main Street through town, the actual “official speed limit” is 150 miles per hour
6) Morning Sun has no actual police department, but 99.9 percent of the population is employed in the law enforcement industry
5) The other percentage point person maintains permanent poet-in-residence status in the Louisa County jail in Wapello. (See Link for Top 20 Not So Funny Things About Wapello)
4) Every box of Cheerios sold in the Morning Sun Market includes a free lawnmower
3) Library lady leads librarians only slow-pitch softball league in the hit by pitch category
2) Local neighborhood watch program currently owns film rights to re-make of “To Kill a Mockingbird, Two”
1) Library lady scares the living shit out of the deputy director of the National Security Agency



10) One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Rusted John Deere
11) Jimmy Hoffa
12) Jimmy Hoffa’s childhood Halloween costume
13) Jimmy Hoffa’s library card
13) Jimmy Hoffa’s library card
15) Telegram from New Jersey high school teacher who taught Jimmy Hoffa’s note to read
16) No clues regarding last bed and breakfast visitor to visit there since there have only been two people, the couple currently still missing, who won the first place prize to visit there for one week. The second-place prize winners, who won two weeks’ stay in Morning Sun, didn’t take their Red Box rental for the movie, “Avatar,” before they left, and the resulting debit card charge caused them to go broke, and so they turned around, went home, and wept about their long lost uncle, Jimmy Hoffa.
17) Dick Cheney’s first BP stock certificate, which is locked in a steel vault
18) Ty Cobb’s first Diet Pepsi stock certificate, which is also locked in Dick Cheney’s steel vault
19) A Bushel of Viagra, which is also locked in Dick Cheney’s steel vault, but also kept under his basket
20) Twisted, burned remnants and blackened embers of the original motion picture, “The Last Picture Show”
21) There is nothing more under this, son ...