The Totom is No Longer in Kansas To-Do List

10) Wake up (Bark!)
9) Get out of the Brazelton Hotel room in Mount Pleasant, Iowa without waking every guest in the place in order to avoid getting kicked out or threatened bodily harm by girlfriend, illegal alien work crew (still asleep … arriba!), Brahmin contractor, over communicative hotel manager, Brahmin construction contractor and or the Lord Jesus himself (Bark! Bark!)
8) Check the time (5 a.m.) ( Bark! Bark! Bark!)
7) Learn to count (Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!) (Four times … I mean, five!) (Bark!)
6) Search stardimmed skies for UFOs, but grow frustrated due to WalMart distribution center lights (Bark! X 5)
5) Go to Wal Mart parking lot gas station store to buy a pack of American spirit cigs with “FSC” (fire retarded) notice to indicate the packaging label’s complete lie, due to the Iowa state liberal hobgoblin that each pack is 100 percent “additive free.” (Bark! X 6)
4) Fail to spend much time reading Thomas Pynchon’s most recent detective noir novel, something, something about “Vice” (Bark to the power of XJ37=B)
3) Notice the scent of coffee on the premises … o hell, grounds (Bark! X 8)
2) Make mental note to use “spell check” more often, except when writing in “pirate lingo” mode (Bark X 9)
1) Declare Thursday, Sept. 30, 2010, as the first day of the administration of President Barack Obama that everything that exists is now officially his fault, since every decision made now until election day is 100 percent politically motivated! (Bark! X 10)- 1) Take vowel movement …